Monday, June 16, 2008

In regards to journalism

"The Irish disaster was predictable but nevertheless came as a surprise."

This is regards to the recent no vote in Ireland in regards to that bloated non-representative union they keep trying to reword and resell.

Journalism is dead.


Haiku break

So because talking about a trip is hard work here is a meme break

The Mrpeenee Auto Haiku Tag Meme tm.
Here’s how it goes:
In five syllables, no more, no less, describe the worst movie you can think of.

Mirror Mask, Darkly



In seven syllables, no more, no less, describe your worst date. Bonus points if it was sordid. Subtract points if it sounds too much like an overweight fifteen year old Goth girl.

So a prison Tattoo huh?


In five syllables, no more, no less, describe the worst job you ever had.

Shovel that asphalt!



Put it all together and you have a haiku of life’s low points.

Mirror Mask, Darkly
So a prison Tattoo huh?
Shovel that asphalt!


hmm I don't think that worked, like the idea though

Thursday, June 12, 2008

The trip

Okay so not that anyone reads this site, well not more than 10 people a day and who knows if they're bots looking for tasty morsels. but I guess I should record my trip across the pond for posterity sake or until I delete this blog and pretend it never existed.
I left early in the morning on the 1st of May, parking my car in the airport garage, (a move that was very lucky in hindsight), I flew directly to Newark NJ. I landed with no clue as to what to do, i kind of like to travel that way. i checked into the hotel and was not surprised to find that since i was in new jersey the whole room smelled like sweaty polish people. Luckily to my surprise the window opened and that allowed me to air out the room. I than jumped onto the tram and went to the big apple. Luckily for me the tram people were very helpful and the moment you looked lost they asked you if you needed help. Well in NJ at least those port authority people rocked!


After getting to Penn station I meandered around looking for the exit until at last I broke out, free to breath the air of the big city... It was surprisingly beautiful, the weather contributed of course, but everything was greening and there were far more dedications to plant life than I had expected. I went back below and took the subway up and out to the Metropolitan museum of art, well it takes you within a couple of blocks of it. Of course this is the pricey(er?) part of the city so the buildings were fabulous and the streets fairly clean.




Wednesday, June 11, 2008

extremely odd

I had a strange epiphany while driving back to work from lunch yesterday. I was thinking about how much i wanted a cookie when my mind drifted and I suddenly realized that I had a very strong desire to have a german chocolate cake at my wedding. Why is this weird? I have never really planned on getting married, it's never seemed like something i would do, or desire, but suddenly that one stupid thought illuminated a whole series of desires in me, to be married, to yell at my husband over something stupid like taking out the trash. To fight, to make up, to trust that someone was going to be there for you. I wanted it all, I wanted a family. It just sparked and started to burn, stronger and stronger until i realized that desire was a permanent part of me now.
How odd is that?




Monday, May 26, 2008

Wheee



It's possible if I had been born a few years I would have been an....emo




Update
I really like the album, some of the songs are slower than i like but the hits are very clear to me.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

please stare into my eyes


There have been minor delays in posting about my trip, which was awesome. please forgive!!



Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Onward to Briton!


alrighty y'all I'm off for my spring adventures across the pond with a quick stop at NYC and the isle of Atlantis to restock on some power crystals and hobo jerky. Wish me well because, well because that's the nice thing to do.
God save the queen cause if I find Harry her grandson I'm totally making him mine.

*Note to the british, I'm sorry I was unable to find a belt buckle with suitable style to be flashing on your island. Also I refuse to wear shiny shirts.




Wednesday, April 23, 2008

My thoughts on gay marriage

There was a thread on gay marriage that I followed from the Malcontent, after spending way too much time I put together a post of my thoughts on it tying in with the debate.

The Blog http://minx.cc/?post=260309

"217 You know there are lots of laws that aren't based on morality but on property rights. There are also tax laws, property, theft, embezzlement etc. The belief that these are all based on moral codes is false. They are based on our (english based) system of property rights.

Kudos to the many that made this a excellent forum to read and thanks. Though gay I was initially negative to the concept of gay marriage but grew to desire it for reasons similar to Robbie. Gays aren't going anywhere we have been around in all cultures, all continents, and in all times. Our levels of social acceptance have waxed and waned mostly contingent on the religious mores of the culture we are born into. To give gays marriage rights would actually bring them in firmly under the thumb of society and keep them inline with the communities by outlining their rights and responsibilities in their relationships. It also gives us a sense of belonging, a feeling many of us loose after hostile responses from friends and families, without belonging many turn to drugs, unhealthy relationships or suicide trying to fill the hole that was left. Having rules to cling to I believe would save many from this fate.
Many have argued in this thread that marriage is an ancient institution and has always been between a man and a woman, forgetting of course that it was between a man and MANY women, even biblically speaking all the forefathers excepting Noah and Adam had relations with multiple women (Joseph, Abraham, Lot, David, Solomon, Saul etc) Only in the new testament was the practice abolished but only for commoners. Royal families often turned to concubines if the wife was infertile or only producing females. Marriage in the middle ages and modern times (outside of the US) was always arranged and was typically done for family benefits or property exchange. Multiple wife marriages are also practiced in native tribes in South America, New Guinea, Africa, and China. These are not just ancient practices these are modern and current.
Marriage for the sake of love is a western and mainly american invention brought about by the industrial revolution and the freedoms it produced. What gays want is just that, marriage for the sake of love, under the guidelines of their parent culture. Can straights argue against that when you take advantage of this new type of marriage contrary even to most religious doctrines? Marriage for love allows divorce, childless marriages, and even remarriage (a trait that is VERY new for women) can you argue that it does not encompass same sex love? Love that is willing to commit to the same sacrifices and tribulations that straights face?
I find this very hard to understand since the marriage of the bible has long been outdated but i think the american resistance to the whole thing has more to do with our culture than our religions. Most americans do not consider themselves married unless it is done in a church, and therefore see state confirmation of same sex marriages as a secular attack on their individual churches, that suddenly they would have gay parishioners demanding weddings and that they would have to watch. But these are secular weddings we are demanding NOT religious ones. I'm not trying to change religion, i'm trying to gain access to a secular institution that as a citizen would help protect my loved ones and secure my property rights for my loved ones.
Being attracted to your own sex is not a choice, being out and defined as gay is, we have to choose between living in the closet, lying to those who we are suppose to love and living in fear that one wrong world could bring our world to an end. This is why we cannot stay in the closet no matter how it makes others feel. It warps us and twists us until we break, and until you have lived with this fear you cannot understand how heavy a load you wish to pile on our shoulders.
Do you really want to preach to your children that to keep your love they must lie and hide their feelings from you? Is that what you tell your sons and daughters when they come to you with questions?

Well thanks for contributing everyone i had a great read and I hope this has given you some perspective on why gays want marriage despite the way straights talk about it. "



Monday, April 7, 2008

My Favorite Prey


Ah the medieval fair, the natural foraging ground for unicorns. Not being a virgin I didn't dare try to ride one but I simply had to take a picture. Specially after they decked my friends mother with one of their horns.
I think it just goes to show that americans can be just as soft and adorable as the french!



Thursday, March 20, 2008

Reason number 725


Why i have trouble making friends.
(psst) I'm the one on the right!



FFFound


Thanks to Sean I found this cool site FFFound


I promise I wont forget this time...




Wednesday, March 19, 2008

stupidity


I swear my next trip is going to be planned specifically around gay rugby....
I am going to London on May 2nd and staying for a week. It's going to be awesome and fun but some how after I planned my trip I was inundated with gay rugby dates that I am MISSING this sadly is one of them. gdamn luck! i have none!



Sunday, March 16, 2008

The roost of the meme

Stolen from Stuart!

The house I grew up in...
Moved around too much to have a "house" still i consider New Mexico the land of my childhood

When I was a child I wanted to be...
Alexander the Great! Well at least I turned out gay...

The moment that changed me for ever...
Being on my own and penniless. well i had several pennies.

My greatest inspiration...
Mum-Ra the villain from Thundercats

My real-life villain...
Fred Phelps

If I could change one thing about myself...
Jaw line. oh and horns

At night I dream of...
don't ask.

What I see when I look in the mirror...
someone who should shave more

My style icon...
what is this suppose to be?

My favorite item of clothing...
jeans

I wish I'd never worn...
boxcut briefs.

It's not fashionable but I like...
Jedi cloaks.
Umm Flannel shirts i guess

You wouldn't know it but I'm very good at...
social politics

You may not know it but I'm no good at...
personal relationships

All my money goes on...
black lotus flowers and opium dens

If I have time to myself...
I'm going to agree with Stuart on this one
I like to masturbate furiously like a horny monkey in the zoo!

I drive/ride...
a car which I just bought in November 07

My house/flat is...
in Oklahoma

My most valuable possession is...
the house followed by the car, but honestly it's my friends

My favorite building...
That's a hard one because I like lots of different styles. Personally I like stone buildings with a moat and draw bridge

Movie heaven...
I love pornnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
sweet sweet porn
oh and movies with werewolves, sci-fi, vampires, and anime
also oddly enough gay drama/comedy flicks

A book that changed me...
Dark of the Gods, by P.C.Hodgell, one of the most underrated of all modern fantasy authors

My favorite work of art...
most of Salvador Dali's stuff, i don't do favorites well but I really like his Celestial Elephants series and have prints of many of them

The last album I bought/downloaded...
Muse -Absolution, current favorite band

The person who really makes me laugh...
my friend Sam

The shop I can't walk past...
porn stores...

The best invention ever...
q-tips

In ten years time, I hope to be...
doing something more technical like bio work, but I'd like to be paired up and happily married to a guy.

My greatest regret...
hurting people to keep my secrets

My life in seven words... I'm doing this chronologically
chaotic
painful
suppressed
bitter
happy
searching
willing


Monday, February 25, 2008

Torchwood 2.0 is so bad

Have you ever been watching a TV show and realized that not only was it poorly written but that the characters would never last in the real world? Not only would they not last but they would never be put into positions of authority even if they were immortal and had lived for hundreds of years and should be chalk full of wisdom and salient advice? I was watching the show where Ryes the fiance of one of the Torchwood members gets clued in on their secret activities, gets recruited for a mission, does surprisingly better than his Fiancee at not botching the job and gives some really bad lines about how not knowing what she is doing is driving him crazy. However the worst lines/acting/emoting come from the horrible Captain Jack who should be shot for trying to act like Captain Kirk. Honestly if it weren't for the hope of sex scenes with Ianto Jones. Seriously I'm thinking of just fast forwarding through the episodes or watching them on "mute"
The last chance this show has for me is thenext episode with Martha Jones from the Dr Who series, and from the trailers it looks real lame. Oh why couldn't Barrowman have been a good gay actor...




The date went well

I was happy with the date, I wish I had got a kiss at the end of it but the quick text message after I left was good enough. Saw "Jumpers" with him, had dinner and than went for some drinks ran into his boss, got invited to a party with him on Saturday and than went home and crashed. he's a nice guy with a better sense of fashion than me!...well that's not hard anyway.




Sunday, February 24, 2008

Chance contemplation

I missed the lunar eclipse, my astrological luck held and it was completely over cast on Tuesday.

I have a date tonight!

The democratic primary has just passed the point of hilarity and has now entered the realm of gut bustlingly funny. I heard Obama chastise Bush (as a politician) for promising things during an election, and than following that statement with saying he wouldn't do that...promise...


Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Scene 1: Over contemplation

To me depression has several guises but the one that stays in my mind the most is a scene of void. When I am alone, when it's cold and the emotions are to deep I feel it tug inexorably at me. Since a time in college when my world fell apart and I was penniless, literally, and forced to share a room with an unstable room mate that was gradually succumbing to his own demons I have felt alone in my heart. It's was a hardening of persona and adding labels seemed to make it worse. I tried playing it straight to fit in and avoid another label. It feels painful to be labeled, put in a box and looked at, judged for the words that describe me.
I lack adequate words to explain how living the lie compounded the self hatred until it broke me open and I had to come clean, and live with the labels openly.
After facing that, the depression got worse for a time as I readjusted, having friends that playfully teased me helped, it drew me out of my shadow and I became confident for the first time in a long time. But the scars remain. Not long after I came out I started dating a nice guy, he wasn't quite my type but it was nice to be adored. But even than I distinctly remember thinking, "he's a fool to love someone as fucked up as me." Of all ironies someone had told me that about themselves long before all of this and i remember how hurt that made me.

Has the depression gone away? No not really I have better ways of dealing with it but it's still there and is something I've had to learn to compensate for and combat.
Can you combat depression? I like to think so, it depends a lot on the type of the depression. Some of the more foundational depressions are emotional, situational, chemical, and I would argue cultural.

Chemical depression caused by genetics, diet, or drugs is hard to combat. Drugs can stabilize but only until your body and mind compensate for them. My advice to these sufferers is accept the likely irrationality of your actions driven by your out of control emotions, correct diet and work to use meds responsibly There is only so much medicine can do for you and you are likely to locked in a spiral of stronger and stronger drugs. Try and train your brain to accept lower levels of happiness as normal. Your brain is misgauged and your best long term goal is to retrain it.
Situational depression could be caused by deaths, job losses, a failed relationship normal events that are sad and bring you down. A story about an old german psychiatrist in WW2 has been the best wisdom I've ever heard concerning this state. A soldier came in suffering from shell shock and depression. The rest of his squad had been killed recently and he refused to get up and fight. He tried to explain this to the doctor but the old man would have none of it. "Oh course you feel sad and depressed! everyone died, you survived. There is no rhyme or reason to it. So What?
Everyone feels horrible, your suppose to after something like that. It is just an emotion, not a wall, not a heavy block, just a feeling in your head. Now get up and go feel depressed on the battle field."
Say what you want but to me the Doctor made sense.
Emotional depression comes from inside you, it could be complete lack of faith in self, the death of your inner dreams. The inability to feel connected or whole. Ennui. The opposite of this form is purpose, goals, someone or something to live for, not easy things at all. Something i struggle with daily. I want to live for my dreams but I barely understand them some days.

Most typically I suffer from emotional depression, cutting out sugar and caffeine brought most of my chemical depression under control, but i still use alcohol and weed as a crutch. I can suffer from seasonal depression fairly badly at the start of winter but staying active dulls that the best. My work can cause me situational depression but for now that is the easiest to deal with. I just try hard to leave work at work and live a separate life, it seems to have worked and I'm glad to say that for me this is under control.
So for now emotional depression still haunts me and I have not escaped the tug of the void.

Okay that was fairly long but I've been meaning to say something like this for several weeks. Has anyone else worked to pinpoint their depression and have tips for dealing with it? Dagon I know you've talked about meds, any tips on how not to over do it?

Okay I'm going to bed now, I may edit this after reading it in the light







Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Well that sucked

Well that was a bust, no guy nuggie for me. The only bright note in the last two weeks was that I met an old coworker at the gym. To bad he got married.

Now for my next trick! Gay Depression!


Sunday, February 3, 2008

Calling all gods.


anyone know one of these? I totally need to get a message across, if I don't find me a real man for valentines day I'm going to go totally batshit crazy.



Friday, February 1, 2008

for TJ


'ol TJ who runs Durban has a hilarious take on what to call his partner. So this is for him.